=nightshade13

I just really want to know why when something good is going to heppen to me, everyone in my family has to make sure I feel as guilty as possible about it. I'm finally going to the Netherlands again, my ticket is booked, and I'm leaving on the 27th, and won't be coming home until the 18th of August. If it were up to me, I'd never go home >_>

I just...can't stand it. Every time I mention Holland, or talk about it. mum gets this sour look on her face like I've done something wrong, or I'm some completely different person. she was asking me about my exact flight times and dates this morning, and her first comment was "you know, your really just a pain in the ass." Well thank you, I'm glad to know. Now what dose this have to do with asking me about my flight? Then she starts in about paying the rent while I'm gone, and paying the rent before I leave...and how much money I have, and always, every time she "talks" to me about "these things" she dose it in this accusing tone that makes me feel guilty. I've taken every measure possible to make sure every responsibility that is mine financially is taken care of before I leave...what the hell more dose she want?

And then she tells me I keep going back on what I say to her, and that I'm childish, because every time she tries to "talk to me" I cry. I can't help it. Its something in the tone she uses that just hits me the wrong way every damn time. Maybe its a mother thing, I don't know. She says she can't talk to me any more...but she dosn't talk. She either accuses or screams.

And shes sitting there now with this tight lipped look on her face glaring at me when she thinks I'm not looking. Sorry mum, didn't want to hide in my room today, is it ok if I sit in the living room of the apartment I pay half the rent on?

>.<

It really dosn't help that I'm over emotional to begin with. I slipped in the tub and sprained my wrist/arm on thursday, and I think the pain medication I was given is just putting me on the edge a bit. I've been over anxiouse since then, but I was already stressed out before. I don't know.

I just want to know what the fuck she hates so much.

And yeah yeah I need to move out blah blah. I've moved out before and it only made her attitude worse. And I don't have the money to move out right now. Hopefully next year I will.

Tagged by
Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves.

1.I have an unholy facination with birds, especially corvids and any other predatory species. I am quite litertally obsessed, to the point where I not only include them in my fantasy art, but enjoy doing real world drawings of birds and the anatomy of their feathers. I like reading about them, and learning the habbits of different species. I could honestly spend my life studying them.

2. I am a collector of obscure fairy tales and Celtic mythology. I enjoy tracking down the origins of rather well known fairy tales to their roots, where often the tale is shown in a different light all together, one that is most often darker and far more intreauging than the story commonly presented to children. Often times such searches lead one off on a tangent, where other less known tales linking to your search can be discovered. My favorite fairy tale is that of The Pied Piper (which was one of the main inspirations for the Trejah Fae charachter) and also proves to be one of the harder tales to track down, since there are different versions of the story spanning across Europe, in different countrys. Though the most commonly known is Robert Browning's version, taking place in Hamelin, Germany, there are adaptations from England, Romania, Sweeden...you name it. And here I go off on one of my tangents again...XD

3. I think flying is...just plain bloody amazing. I love air planes. The first time I ever really flew (within my memory, I have flown to Canada as a child) was to Holland. I thought I would be terrified of the takeoff...and yet...noo >: D Instead I get this sick little thrill when the plane starts to pick up speed going down the runway, and the feeling of being lifted into the air? Wow...XD While people were sitting stony faced and staring ahead as the plane pitched to adjust itself as we gained altitude, there I was with my face pressed against the window watching the lights drop away below XD LITERALLY XD They must have thought I was quite nuts XD There is really nothing that compairs.

4. I think male belly dancing would probably be very enticing, either that or so gay that I'd laugh myself sick. Either way, if I ever saw some, I'd find myself amused.Besides, theres something about a man wearing a jingly coin belt at his waist <3

5. I can remeber vocabulary lists from five years ago better than I can remeber the address of someone I have known for years.

6. I'm a bloody tree-hugging pagan witch.

7. I feel an unexplainably close kinship to Gypsies and Native Americans, to the point where I read about past wrongs done to them (and in some cases, present day wrongs) and feel myself brought to tears out of shame for what white people have done to them. Sometimes, I really honestly HATE being white.
I remeber happening upon a Native American Powow down in Rutland MA when I went there with some friends to go swimming, I was drawn to it by hearing the drums through the woods in another campsite. It turned out to be a large public event, where people of Native American decent were dancing in traditional costumes and selling crafts. Hearing those drums and watching those people dance...(I can really only compair the rise of emotions to seeing my first live Omnia concert *Pagan Neo-Celtic music*) And hearing the wailing of the way the men and women sang, just this high pitched singing... Some people find it strange and silly...I found it so incredibly deep and moing. It touches such a deep place in my soul, something far down and hidden that I have no words for. The only thing you can really call it is power...suddenly knowing who you are and what your made of, where your source is and finding it there within you, woken by this music. Bagpipes can have the same effect on me..theres just something so...old there.

8. I have a perfectly rational fear of tweezers and any red-head within the vicinity of said tweezers.

I TAG:
( you only narrowly escaped this by already being tagged...)






The rules are simple:
1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Tags should write a journal/blog of these facts.
4. At the end of the post, tag 8 more persons (your friends, chums, pals, pet dog, etc.) here in dA.
5. Go to their page and leave a comment 'Lawl, you've been tagged.'
6. Failing to do this simple task will have a wrath of a mad in-house cyber ninja of doom.
7. There is no 7. It's a lie.

Blearg >_> Update from yesterday.

So, dad ran into an old friend of his at his graphics thing yesterday, and they decided to hang around together for a while. Well, a while ended up being 12am >O And there's me and mom, not knowing where he is, and because he didn't bring his phone, we had no way to contact him. He didn't even think to call us, and was all pissed that we got upset. Well how are we SUPPOSED to feel? Dad, who barely ever goes out of the house, usually stays on his computer and never wants to go out, suddenly decides to stay out all bloody night without thinking to take up contact with us? Its unusual behavior for him, of course we'd panic! I called my uncle and asked him to go look for him, and when he didn't find him up town, we were ready to call the bloody police. I cried myself bloody sick ._. And even though he's ok, which I'm so glad of...I'm so fucking PISSED at him, mostly because he dosn't seem to understand WHY were so worried! We aren't mad because he wanted to spend time with his friend, were mad because he didn't TELL us!

I've been depressed all day, but I was excited to book my ticket tonight. And now I find out my money transsfer STILL hasn't even gone through yet, which I thought it would YESTERDAY so I can't even book my ticket yet!!! God I hope those prices don't go any higher >.<

I'm so sick of drama I could scream >_>

Pardon, I'm just moody and in need of someplace to vent XD

Well, finally my plans for going to Holland are falling into place. I have the money to book, now its just a matter of completing money transffers and booking the ticket before the prices skyrocket XD My stepover is in Ireland...I'm *soooo* bloody excited XD

But yeah, the reason I'm pissed, is that I'm supposed to book today, but I can't see if the bloody money is in the paypal account yet because my dad's not home XD He left to go to a graphics tutorial lesson/class thing uptown at like 6:30 or so this morning (I can't remeber what time O_o) And he's not home yet! To top it off, he didn't bring his cellphone, and my mum (who's cab he rode in this morning) has no idea whats taking him so long. At this point, I'm not just worried about my ticket, but to be honest, I'm panicking about where the fuck he is. He shouldn't have been out this long...and I'm kind of scared. What if something happened to him? My dad works at home, you see, stays inside alot...hes been going out to these classes lately, and I feel its been good for him to get out. But..I mean...what if something really happened to him...? I don't even have the phone number to the place where he was taking the tutorials >.<

I don't know...I'm just scared.

I can't remeber who I just stole this from O_O

Anyway, heres the score generated by the website after answering a fuckload of questions. I would say its very accurate in some areas but very inaccurate in others. Such as Histrionic and Honor. I'm not at all histrionic O_o and my honor is FAR higher than 56% O_o I mean hell, there's people I would die for O__O And 50% Paranoia? XD Really? I'm cautiouse, but I'm not really paranoid XD And only 23% On being adventurous. I'm VERY adventurous. I love new places and exploring. I'm quite amused by my apparent 63% need to dominate though...XD Haven't seen myself dominating anyone lately XD I'd say really only the artistic elements are very accurate, lol. Try to ignore the 90% sexuality please....XD

Extraversion |||||||||| 38%
Stability |||||||||||||| 54%
Orderliness |||||| 26%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 62%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 58%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||||||||||||| 56%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Adventurousness |||||| 23%
Work ethic || 10%
Humanitarian |||||||||||||| 56%
Conflict seeking |||||| 30%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 63%
Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||| 30%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 63%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56%
Family drive |||||||||||| 50%
Physical Activity |||||||||||| 43%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||||| 50%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Honor |||||||||||||| 56%
Thriftiness |||||||||||||| 56%

And NOW I fill out one for TREJAH...XDXD Cause I just can't resist <3
(I think we were all expecting the 90% need to dominate...but more honorable and romantic than me? O__O)

Extraversion |||||||||||||| 54%
Stability || 10%
Orderliness |||| 18%
Accommodation |||||||||| 38%
Interdependence |||| 16%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 62%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||| 43%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Work ethic |||||| 23%
Humanitarian |||||| 23%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 63%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Wealth |||||||||||||| 56%
Dependency |||||| 23%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||| 16%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||| 16%
Family drive |||||||||||||||| 70%
Physical Activity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Honor |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Thriftiness || 10%

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